Even Gods speak of this

Look! Look hard! 

Isn’t this heart, this world, the pain and the joy of it all, the most incredible thing you can dream of? To me it is. To me the world is an offering and I can only walk with humility to be given this gift. Present. It seems perfect to me that the present moment is called present. Can you think of any sweeter gift?

The world dropped this heart into my palm and I have been carrying it around haphazardly.

I dropped it in the dirt and brushed it off. I shoved it in my pocket, and I stuffed it in my glove compartment. I lay it underneath my pillow, I lit a candle for it, and I baked it a cake. I found the key, unturned the lock and hastily shut the door again.

I ask for imagination and I ask for creativity. I ask for life to be breathed into my lungs so that my heart can continue beating. I ask for my heart to continue to beat, and yours too.

I ask for apple pie and warm chocolate chip cookies. I ask for milk and honey and coffee in the morning. I ask for your heart too and maybe we can put them in a hammock, swaddle them in flannel, and let them rest for awhile.

My heart is a muscle and it aches. It is sore from pumping and beating and continuing on day after day. But luckily, we are so much stronger than we believe we are. Keep breathing and place your heart tenderly in your chest. Open your arms wide and trust that the pain will only carve greater canyons for flash floods of joy.

Remember cracked black peppercorn, Orion’s belt, dark chocolate, wolves, and magic. Remember to swirl, swerve, and dive into it all! Then come up for air when you need to.

 

 Remember beauty and I will do my best to remember it all too. 

This is one of my favorite poems and the beauty of the words ask my heart to rise.

Self Portrait

It doesn't interest me if there is one God
or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or feel
abandoned.
If you know despair or can see it in others.
I want to know
if you are prepared to live in the world
with its harsh need
to change you. If you can look back
with firm eyes
saying this is where I stand. I want to know
if you know
how to melt into that fierce heat of living
falling toward
the center of your longing. I want to know
if you are willing
to live, day by day, with the consequence of love
and the bitter
unwanted passion of your sure defeat.

I have heard, in that fierce embrace, even
the gods speak of God.

  -- David Whyte

Extraordinary Mexican Hot Chocolate

This was my first recipe. Saved from an unfortunate truffle mishap, it melted into a rich, sexy hot chocolate that is to be savored in demitasse. It was the first time I felt like I could call a recipe “my own” although it has been so poked and prodded by teaching hands that it is just as much mine as it is the world’s.

This is one of my favorite desserts, along with a variation of chocolate chile cream pots. It warms me from the inside and feels equally nourishing to give away as to drink it myself. I am fairly certain that it is this dessert that has kept my partner Aaron and I together throughout the years.

This is for heart aches and bone breaks.

This is for late night candle light.

This is for falling in love, over and over again.

This is the dessert I ask for when the world is right and when the world is upside down.

This is the dessert for extraordinary moments.

Mexican Hot Chocolate

10 oz dark chocolate

3 tbl butter

3 cups cream

¼ tsp cayenne pepper

½ tsp cinnamon

2 cups (or more) milk

Melt the chocolate, cream and butter together. As soon as it is melted turn the heat down as low as possible. Scoop out a small amount of the chocolate, cream and butter into a cup. Add cayenne pepper and cinnamon to this cup and mix thoroughly, then pour the mixture back into the pot. This is so the cayenne and cinnamon mix evenly throughout the melted chocolate instead of clumping in one spot. Add the 2 cups of milk, or until you reach the consistency you like. Serve warm with a dollop of whipped cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

Mental Nourishment:

The world offers itself up to your imagination. Our job is to offer ours back.

I cannot imagine a more incredible world. We do not always combine the raw materials with grace, and more often than not, our combinations bring more grief than beauty. But each oak leaf, each eucalyptus branch, each plum blossom, and each fallen woodpecker feather is individually so incredibly perfect, that I cannot imagine a more incredible world to create with. 

I want to fill this week with creation. This blog, this moment, these words have never happened before, and perhaps I do not know. But my hands know and my heart knows, and today I want to focus on listening and acting with both. 

My hope is to hold each other with strength and tenderness, to remember how strong and capable we are, alongside how tender and gentle our hearts are. 

With gratitude and grief flowing through me, this poem created space for a shift in my heart. A friend shared it with me, and I love it!

The Dakini Speaks

My friends, let's grow up.

Let's stop pretending we don't know the deal here.

Or if we truly haven't noticed, let's wake up and notice.

Look: everything that can be lost, will be lost.

It's simple--how could we have missed it for so long?

Let's grieve our losses fully, like ripe human beings,

But please, let's not be so shocked by them.

Let's not act so betrayed,

As though life had broken her secret promise to us.

Impermanence is life's only promise to us,

And she keeps it with ruthless impeccability.

To a child she seems cruel, but she is only wild,

And her compassion is exquisitely precise:

Brilliantly penetrating, luminous with truth,

She strips away the unreal to show us the real.

This is the true ride -- let's give ourselves to it!

Let's stop making deals for a safe passage:

There isn't one anyway, and the cost is too high.

We are not children any more.

The true human adult gives everything for what cannot be lost.

Let's dance the wild dance of no hope!

--Jennifer Welwood 

Thank you for listening and reading, and I send wishes of love on the wind!

Soul Nourishment: Coo's Lemon Tart and Leprechaun Traps

A good friend and incredible mentor died suddenly Friday morning and my heart was ripped open with grief. Alongside the immense grief of losing someone so dearly loved, came a tsunami of gratitude. I was in a place where I was completely supported, and around people I loved. Although my heart ached to be near my partner, I am so grateful to be near family and friends. Nicolas Buti was an incredible man and I send so much love those left behind, particularly his fiance Sarita and my best friend Natalie who was there when he died. Taking extra time to be grateful for my own breath and beating heart, and being gentle and tender with those around me.

I drove down to Alameda to spend time with my nieces and as always, these little ones heal my heart and make the world a better place.

We spent the night cooking, baking and setting leprechaun traps. Could you ask for a more nourishing night?!

Look at these cuties! Fried rice and smoothie time

At Elleke's request, we made a lemon tart. We lacked some key tools for making lemon curd so we simplified it by making something similar to a lemon bar. With improvisation and the incredible meyer lemons picked right off the backyard tree, the dessert was delicious! 

The recipe is from my trusty "The Art and Soul of Baking" which is an incredible start and guide to baking nearly everything!

Coo's Lemon Tart

Vanilla Shortcrust Dough

1 1/4 cup flour

1/4 cup sugar

1/4/ tsp salt

1 stick (4 ounces) cold butter

2 large egg yolks

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 to 3 tsp water

Combine flour, sugar, and salt together. Add butter and crumble with your hands until the mixture looks like peas and crumbs. Add egg yolks, vanilla and water and mix until just combined. Press into a tart shell.

Lemon Filling

4 eggs

5 tbl flour

2 cups sugar

2/3 cup lemon juice

Whisk eggs and flour until combined and there are no sneaky clumps of flour. Add sugar and lemon juice and whisk together.

Bake tart shell at 350 for 35 min or until golden brown. Remove from oven and turn down oven to 325. Let cool for 20 min and then pour the lemon filling into the crust. Bake at 325 for 50-60 min or until the middle is set. Let cool completely before serving! This will allow the lemon filling to thicken. 

I love making tarts with kids because unlike a pie crust, which calls for some tlc, a tart shell is pretty simple to make and hard to mess up. This lemon filling was incredible with fresh meyer lemons which gave it a sweeter taste that had more depth than a usual lemon filling. 

We finished the night with a leprechaun "trap" that turned into a cozy resting spot for the leprechauns on their journey. We filled it with tiny potatoes, coins, a pool, lounge station, and of course a little lemon tart. The leprechauns seemed to come and enjoy it during the night, and I got to enjoy green milk with my coffee this morning

                              Little tiny baby potatoes!

Happy St. Patricks Day! I hope the leprechauns visited your home and I hope that you give your soul a little nourishment today. Squeeze your littles tight, tell each other you love one another, and be grateful for this breath, this day, this life. 

Beginnings

These are the stories, the recipes, and the images that nourish me. They are meant to be savored, sipped slowly, and chewed softly. 

These are lemon drops.

These are stories to keep you warm, to keep you company, to gather your hems about your ankles and wrap you in a delicious cloak.

These are to let you know that you are not alone.

These are tales to wrap you in red velvet and whisper in your ear. These are words of stardust to sprinkle on your hair, hands, and feet and to gather in your pocket.

These are the stories that gather in my bones and lay on top of my skin, keeping me warm for the night.

These will melt like lemon drops on your tongue.

These are recipes to use. They are meant to be given away, to be doubled and taken to your neighbor’s house. They are for comfort, for joy, and for pride. Above all, they are recipes for nourishment.

Start with what you love.

Ask your belly what she craves.

Gently coax that into what your tongue desires.

Begin,

End.

Then…Give it all away.